I had been blocked for a few days; it stared with a day I missed for a hockey game and anotehr when I just decided not to write at all. Part of it is that I wasn't clear on a few things that had to happen in my story.

Yesterday after work I spent some time on the town. I stopped in at a bookstore where I read a short article about Shamballa, a secular teaching of Buddhism often described as the way of the warrior:learning to face life without fear, even of things within yourself. Then I went to a basic rope bondage class. Part of the discussion was about how a bondage top sometimes has to be a total bastard to his bottom, and yet remain human throughout. The article on Shamballa had been swirling about in my head when it combined with what was being discussed in the class. I was suddenly inspired with realizations of what my characters and I had to go through in the course of the story.

So what will happen? Well... you'll have to read the story.

I have found some really bad problems in the UI of the thing I'm working on. I wrote up some bug reports about them, but to be honest, I don't expect that anything will happen. They will probably not pay much attention to a flunkie being paid half the previous market rate for what I do. Companies tend to pay attention based more on what they're paying for than on the actual content of the suggestions. I would not be surprised if they hired some expensive consultant who then tells them the same things I'm saying ... and they pay attention to him. I will be very hard pressed to say, "I could have told you that. In fact, I did."

You can't do UI design unless you've done UI design before. I've done UI design ... but for obscure things or things that never saw the light of day. Which begs the question: How did the UI designers get those jobs? And how come I keep finding flaws in their work?

1963 words: graduation day. The adolescents of a group of allied packs graduate high school and become Juniors. Most stay home; some go to far-off universities. A few are sent to the Fleet Academy to go to the stars.

Black Gazza's Head Raccoon built some special cells for Second Life friends of his who are participating in NaNoWriMo. If you want to reserve a cell, come on by and take one.

The other day I had an enormously productive day on my nanowrimo effort; I wrote a fairly complete outline for the story. In the days since then I've been writing more ideas and details, usually on BART to or from work. I have a pretty good idea not only of where things start and finish up, but at least a dozen important plot points along the way. There are also two more novels being outlined, for the end-point of the first one, though it provides a solid ending for a story that can stand on its own as "the most important event in the characters' lifetime", still leaves enough questions unanswered that two more novels are likely.

What excites me about this project, in contrast to pretty much everything I've ever written before, is that the story is driven by the characters. Each has his own psychology, motivation, and circumstance; each reacts to those things in his own way. I occasionally have strong emotional reactions to stuff I write. A few times I realized that the only possible next event in the story, seen both from the character's needs and the story's, is horrifying. My strong reaction tells me that such events are necessary to fully explore the subject matter.

... which is? Rough and rowdy space cadets, rivalries, honor, dishonor, betrayal, recovery, and redemption. It's a high-tech furry science fiction space opera, but it's not about the rockets or the ray guns; it's about the people and their interactions. I find myself concerned for the well-being of the characters, even the ones I sort of hate for what they do. I'm headed for an emotional rollercoaster writing this. It's going to take a lot of concentration and discipline. I hope that it doesn't become a slog, just filling in the details on this roadmap.

Maybe some of the characters rebel and decide not to go where I want them to. Well, they're interesting people, so wherever they take me, it will be good!

November is National Novel Writing Month, and after missing it twice already, this year I've decided to participate. I've got a setting, characters, stories, conflicts, and the outline of a whole story arc. I guess I'm letting inspiration for the novel's organization hit me now so that when it's time to write, I'll have a fairly idea of where I want to start, where I want to end up, and how to get there.

I hope to do a better job on this than with my suspended Hogwarts Tech Support story, which I don't know where to take.

I gripe a lot, but once in whole a cool thing happens. I discovered this the other day:



It was decent of them to acknowledge that I did contribute to Second Life, even if in only a small way.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123129220146959621.html has an article about Unicru.

The statements from Unicru about the rate of cheating are unreliable because the company would not ever admit publicly that candidates are cheating.

Statements from Unicru's clients about the effectiveness of Unicru are unreliable because the contract may contain clauses that prohibit the client from revealing information about its effectiveness. Any company that uses Unicru is too busy to do their own evaluations of employees and thus cannot do a real-world assessment of the test's effectiveness.

Reported reductions in turnover are unreliable because they do not report before-and-after numbers and do not compare with industry trends. Post-hoc ergo propter-hoc effects could be buried in those results.

It is not universally reliable: Whole Foods has rejected using the test because it does not predict how well someone can mix basic sauces.

And I'm fucked.

"You would like a job that is quiet and predictable." Yes, I would. Based on the recommended answers, that's a Strongly Disagree. I sure hope libraries don't use this test, and any software company that used it would get a big public "Fuck You!" on this page. (?)

"Other people's feelings are their own business." Yes, they are. If I wanted to know other people's feelings I'd become a psychologist or read LiveJournal. And people have told me all my life that my feelings are my own business. (SD)

"Realistically, some of your projects will never be finished." Well, yes. Duuh. I haven't finished Hogwarts Tech Support and it makes me nervous. (?)

"You feel nervous when there are demands you can't meet." Yes, I do. But what kind of a predictor is that of performance? I feel nervous that I did not meet the demand for more Hogwarts Tech Support stories. I've done the 10% inspiration; now it's time for the 90% perspiration: I can't decide whether to write about that grad student who wants to hit on me. (?)

"It bothers you when something unexpected disrupts your day." I did not expect the tree in my front yard to topple in the storm the other day, and that was a disruption when I had to cut it up to get it off the sidewalk and driveway. I would rather have done something else with that time. Okay, it was good exercise and I had the stamina to cut through several four-inch-thick soggy branches with a hacksaw. But I was bothered by the event. The tree has become logs and sawdust. (?)

"In school, you were one of the best students." Yes, I was (except for a healthy disrespect for authority beginning in second grade when I corrected the teachers pronunciation of Frerez Jacques). But does Target really expect to hire the *best* students? Aren't they all getting jobs at Microsoft? (SA)

"In your free time you go out more than stay home." No, I stay home and read LiveJournal.

Well, not all these questions ( http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123129220146959621.html ) are on the cheat sheet ( http://www.timothyhorrigan.com/documents/unicru-personality-test.answer-key.html ) but of the ones I know I already got one wrong. I guess I can't work at Target.

A friend of mine recommended me to his employer and I was called in to interview for a job. They liked me, so I've been hired through a contracting agency. I had to fill out nineteen fucking forms just to get a part-time job that pays less than half of what I should be making.

1. I9 employment eligibility verification, listing the documents I use to prove my right to work.
   
2. background search data form, listing my name, address, and various stuff.
   
3. Notification and Disclosure: in order to protect the interests of the payroll services company, they need information about me.
   
4. Authorization for release of medical information, letting them have the results of piss tests.
   
5. acknowledgment of receipt of mpn information, stating I g ot informatoin about workers' comp.
   
6. Payrolled employee benefit waiver, stating that I don't get some benefits that some non-payroll employees get.
   
7. Acknowledgment and consent, allowing various agencies to tell my employers stuff about me.
   
8. Payrolled employee employment agreement, saying that I have to work all the time on their stuff, waive all holidays, vacation, sick time, that they can fire me any time but that I have to give them ten days' notice, and that I wont tell their secrets.
   
9. Form W4
   
10. Employment application
    
11. receipt of employment policies
    
12. direct deposit request form
    
13. health care enrollment form (which doesn't matter anyway because I can't take any time off to see a doctor, according to the other form)
    
14. non-disclosure agreement, which signs over to them any patentable ideas I get between now and six months after I stop working for them, and that they get to sue me in Texas if I patent something anway, even if I worked on it on my own time.
    
15. A form about travel expense reimbursement
    

Every form puts the advantage on the employer's side and takes it away from me the employee. The secretary who sent me the forms ha s three different names for each one: the name on the form, the name of the file, and her own name for the form. So what she may call a "Medical Provider Network (CA Form)" is really a "NOTICE OF NEW WORKERS’ COMPENSATION PROGRAM" and it is in file "Workers Comp Acknowledgement_CA.doc".

I'd like to get employers to fill out certain forms as well.

1. MMPI - Minnesota Multphasic Inventory - to screen out schizophrenics, assholes, and drama queens
   
2. Concise Job Description - to be filled out individually by every person who interviews me, my boss, and his boss. Any discrepancies must be explained by the
   
3. Concise Job Discrepancy Reconciliation Form, which explains why no can agree on what my job really is.
   
4. Justification for Unfair NDA, to explain why, if they think that my inventions would be so profitable for them that they want all my intellectual property for the next year, they think they can pay me shit wages.
   
5. Information Discrepancy Form to list any discrepancies in personal information I provided in two dozen forms. Did I spell my name differently? Did my birthday change from one form to the next?
   
6. Incidental Damage Risk Form, listing the number of people who may die or the total cost of communication satellites that may be damaged because of mis-wiring because of feared employee drug use.
   
7. Waiver of NDA for Backup and Archives Form. As I am expected to supply my own laptop to use at work, I will continue to use my backup and archive policies and the employer waives right to search through my computers and effects on termination of employment.
   
8. Waiver of NDA for unrelated creative activities. Employer realizes that I have a life and that I think of things on my own which employer is not paying me for and thus does not have any claim over.
   
9. Windows Kool-Aid Justification Form, explaining why the corporation standardized on an operating system that with every release has become more bloated, performed more poorly, and imposed greater restrictions on what people can do with their computers.
   

Of course, the real situation is that Republicans, back by large corporations, have fucked up the economy and that people will do anything to get work that barely keeps their heads above water, and that we're willing to sign anything—you could say we're under duress ("sign this form or you can't work for us")—to get a job. Does anyone seriously think that they can push people around like that without eventually facing the consequences?

Did Glenn Beck murder and rape a young girl in 1990? Allegations are flying over the internet, and so far, Glenn Beck™'s only response has been to try to suppress the truth: the attorney for Glenn Beck™ has filed a complaint with WIPO to try to suppress the domain name http://glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com/ . The reasoning:

As the Domain Name incorporates the name "Glenn Beck" in its entirety, it is reasonable to assume that the average Internet user looking for information about Glenn Beck will find the Domain Name and believe or suspect that Mr. Beck committed the horrible acts stated.

In other words Glenn Beck™ believes that anything bearing his name will be taken as the truth. What's even more suspicious about this case is that the complaint itself states that

…the Domain Name herein gives no indication that the user will be directed to a protest site.

Are we average Internet users to assume that http://glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com/ is not a protest site but actually contains truth? (Apparently Glenn Beck™ thinks that Americans are morons who would confuse that domain name with his own name. Curiously, the American Conference of Morons has not yet filed their complaint against the site on that basis.)

Glenn Beck™, a United States person and presumably a Constitutionalist against the influence of non-US legal jurisdictions over US sovereignty, could have filed suit in the United States. The discovery phase of a lawsuit would have uncovered that the owner of the web site http://glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com/ is also a United States person. (Or Does Glenn Beck™ think he's the target of foreign political meddling?) However, Glenn Beck™ would have run the serious risk of having his lawsuit dismissed on the grounds that it was political satire. Was he afraid that the court would conclude that he actually did murder and rape a young girl in 1990?

Whatever the facts may be, and until the truth about whether Glenn Beck™ actually did murder and rape a young girl in 1990 turns out to be I implore you not to propagate the rumor, Glenn Beck™ appears to believe that suppressing the truth is important enough to try to circumvent the United States Constitution by suppressing a web site in a non-jury hearing in a foreign jurisdiction.

Today I felt a little grumpy, so I decided to try to counter that by getting some useful work done. I attacked the back end of the house with the intent of just getting rid of the accumulated garbage and cruft. Anything that was garbage, cruft, or marginally useful crap that had sat around for two or more years just taking up space (also known as junk), I trashed or recycled. I found carefully sealed boxes of packing peanuts, bags of grocery bags, bumper-stickers that had long since lost their glue ... All of it had to go. Then I ran the suckbroom over the floor and found that under all the dust was an old carpet.

I'm winning. Tomorrow, more of the same.

In these days that mark the eighth anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and the White House, I must remember the role that national religious leaders played in restoring sanity and normalcy to our lives. Those terrible events disrupted all our lives. The feeling that something Really Bad was up was thick in the air. I had bad dreams, traffic was slow and courteous, US flags were flying everywhere, and people were nice to each other. And then the Reverends Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell helped restore normalcy by reminding us what this nation should really be focused on.

JERRY FALWELL: I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say "you helped this happen." ... In other words, when the nation is on its knees, the only normal and natural and spiritual thing to do is what we ought to be doing all the time - calling upon God.

(http://www.actupny.org/YELL/falwell.html)

That was a good slap in the face for all Americans to wake up and realize what the real problems are. After that announcement, I could feel that things were returning to normal. Traffic sped up and became more competitive, people weren't quite as nice, and the nation got down to the task of seeking revenge on secular governments.

Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, I cannot begin to thank you for your influence on American religious thought and behavior.

While watching a documentary about zombies on Mars ("Doom", 4/5 of which is a setup for the last 1/5, a non-interactive version of a first-person shooter video game) I saw a commercial for the upcoming documentary Zombieland. (Which I take as a signal of a return to normalcy. After Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, and 28 Weeks Later expressed the ridiculous Republican fear of takeover by multitudes of mindless minimum-wage masses on medicare, it is good to see responsible journalism on the subject.) It reminded me of an article that came out several years ago pointing out a significant correlation between the number of zombie documentaries and whether a Republican is president, and a weaker correlation between the number of vampire documentaries and whether a Democrat is president. Someone always asks, "Who are the werewolves?" and someone always answers, "Libertarians."

And that led to the realization that these represent four blood-borne illnesses that we need to remain ever-vigilant to protect ourselves from. Numerous histories and documentaries, ranging as far back as the Bible and as recently as the Anne Rice books and subsequent documentaries, can be assumed to have the same levels of reliability and accuracy, and form the basis of research for this article. These four diseases follow disturbingly similar patterns and thus may even be related in some fundamental way. Each is transmitted by contact with blood; each causes, to some extent, irreversible physical and mental changes in the victim; and each brings with it a miraculous extension of life and even immortality.

Vampirism is the classic transformative bloodborne pathogen. Drinking the blood of another vampire transmits the affliction, which brings with it a number of frightening symptoms: deadly hypersensitivity to sunlight, a thirst for blood, and good taste in wardrobe. The benefits include eternal (or at least very long) life and thus the ability to acquire great wealth over the long term. It is this acquisition of life and the ability to give and take life from us ordinary mortals that makes vampires the classic Democratic Fear. Like Republican business owners, they can suck your blood and leave your dead corpse for the social services agencies to find, or they can grant you the favor of eternal life and wealth as long as you don't expose their secrets. For further research I refer you to now not-quite-so-recent sources on the subject such as Anne Rice's novels (or, for the literally challenged, the documentary versions), and the documentaries Nosferatu and Blade. Vampires are quasi-adapted to our society: their effect on us is confined to a small number of unexplained deaths and murders. But as no one wants to be killed, and the transformation into vampire is a net cost to society, vampirism, like Republicanism for similar reasons, must be discouraged.

Zombies are another result of a fearsome, deadly transformative bloodborne pathogen you must at all costs avoid contacting. This illness is some kind of fast-acting virus that kills you, then reanimates your cells by taking over the metabolism at the molecular level. Unlike vampirism, however, the continuity of consciousness is lost. Apparently the neurological damage caused death resembles that caused by stroke, leaving the victim entirely without his previous sense of self. Theological questions about the sanctity of zombie life have long ago been answered conclusively: the soul has already left the body of a zombie, and using the lurching carcasses as target practice for firearms novices is universally portrayed as morally acceptable and even a social good. (More on the irony of this theological position later.) Zombism is perhaps the most dangerous of these pathologies, for every recorded outbreak has resulted in catastrophe.

Werewolves also fall into his category. The written and film documentary evidence is not as extensive, but the similarities to vampires and zombies are striking. Like vampirism, the disease is spread by biting; like zombies, werewolves undergo significant ontogenic transformations. As made evident in documentaries on the subject (for example, An American Werewolf in London), the transformation is quite painful, but unlike zombies, the pathogen does not actually kill the host. Apparently it does case temporary experiential discontinuity: the victim commonly cannot remember the transformations. This pathology appears to be less potent than either vampirism or zombism, for the transformation is episodic, and unlike vampirism, it is not believed to confer longevity. Werewolves are apparently well-adapted to society; their cost in innocent lives is probably hidden in the noise of unexplained deaths, and as the transformation is episodic, one afflicted with this pathology may continue to function normally and undetected for many years.

The final transformative bloodborne pathogen in this essay shares many characteristics with the three others so far described, and is well-documented in numerous theological writings and even the Bible itself. (Indeed, the Biblical standard of proof has been accepted in evaluating source materials about the other three pathologies.) This pathology is superficially much less harmful to the individual and society than the Big Three, and its transmission is generally much less violent, although it does involve the consumption of bodily fluids (blood and flesh) from the progenitor. The physical and mental changes in the victim are not nearly as evident, partially because it is usually (and deliberately) conferred to offspring early in life and must apparently be frequently repeated. Indeed, and quite frightening when considered, the transmission of the pathogen has been ritualized into a social event. Like vampirism and zombism, this pathology confers eternal life; however, one may have to wait a while after death for reanimation to occur. (Latest estimates are 2012.) Clearly this transformative bloodborne pathogen has adapted itself much better to human society; it has established itself as a foundation for our culture, existing openly and without fear of exposure or retribution.

Is Christianity an example of a transformative bloodborne pathogen that has established a benign symbiotic relationship with its host species? When one counts the numerous wars that have been fought by those afflicted with this disease—not just against its rivals for human hosts, but even against those afflicted with closely related variants—and one considers the intellectual impairment the disease causes, one must wonder. For example, Christians are quick to judge as "evil" those afflicted by the other three pathogens described here and are ready to nail their hearts and souls to the earth with an iron spike, shoot them with silver bullets, or use them self-righteously as target practice, all extralegally but with the well-documented blessing of law enforcement officials. The effects of this pathogen on intellect are frightening, and most commonly displayed as childish belief in certain magical events but a rejection of others, cognitive dissonance, and astonishing failures of logic.

Given the obvious social maladaptation of all four of these well-documented diseases, it becomes clear to all that we must be vigilant to protect ourselves and our loved ones from exposure to them. Strict public health policies and quarantine measures must be put into place at once. Protect yourselves!

Anybody want a NeXTstation Color?
http://lowendmac.com/next/nextstncolor.html
It's all there. The ram sockets appear to be a bit flaky and I don't have a correct scsi drive for it. But I have CDs of NextStep Academic Bundle, some software I collected from online archives, and all the various pieces.

Free. Come and take it away, haha.

When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember that your original intent was to drain the swamp.

Alligators are a metaphor for tasks that crop up while performing other tasks and which block those tasks. That is, you can't get your primary task done until you complete the locking secondary task—the alligator. Cleaning up is such a chore because it involves so many alligators.

The problem is that alligators spawn more alligators.

I have a zillion files on the desktop of my Mac called Picture -N-, mostly screen shots of Black Gazza doing unspeakable things to inmates. Every once in a while I sweep all those into my Pictures folder with the intent of further categorizing them later. But the Pictures folder is also filled with files called Picture -N-, so first I have to rename any files on the desktop. It's useful to do that with the date they were taken because that ends up grouping them. So this alligator spawned some more meta-alligators: i knew that AppleScript could solve the problem, so I had to find an AppleScript that would do that (search in Google, filter out unrelated hits, download the file), compile it, figure out that it belonged in a specific folder, find out how to make the contents of that folder show up in the Finder's AppleScript menu (search in Google, filter out unrelated hits), do that, rename the files, and sweep them into the Pictures folder.

I was cleaning up my room. I decided to start at the door and work clockwise around the walls to the other side of the door, then finish up by sweeping the floor. The first item I found was my backpack. Simple enough; I'll put it in the closet. Not so fast! There's stuff in it: a sweater, a windbreaker, and a hat. Simple enough; I'll put them in the closet. Not so fast! There's stuff in it: various junk that needs to be sorted or broken up and put into a trash bag. So I get a trash bag, break up some junk, move this box over there, hang up the clothes, and stuff the backpack onto the box. But there's the laptop sleeve which really belongs in the backpack, but it has a video camera on it. That belongs in the camera bag, and there's the still-picture camera which also goes in there, along with its power adapter. Where's the power adapter for the video camera? That should go in there too, but I can't find it.

So there's a good place to break that chain: finding the power adapter for the video camera is not really a blocking task. I can put everything else related to that away and return to ... the two Mac G3s sitting somewhat in front of the closet door. When I find the power adapter for the video camera I can just stuff it into the camera bag (interrupting whatever other task I will be doing then, but not blocking me now.) So an important method seems to be to know when to break a chain of alligators: suspend a task, page it out to the swap file, pop the stack a couple of times, and return to a more primary task.

Two G3 Macs sort of in front of the closet door, preventing it from opening all the way, making me stand to one side and bump my elbow on the door frame. Stupid alligators. I decided to move them downstairs into the Space Beneath The Stairs ( dum - dum -duuuuuuum!). But the space I had mentally allocated for one of them was occupied by Atmosfear, an ancient PC of unknown configuration. Keep it? Recycle it? Rather than bring the two G3s down, I decided to bring that one up, plug it into my KVM, and see what it was made of. Atmosfear has an Intel motherboard with a 600MHz Pentium III, 256 MB of RAm and a 20 GB hard drive. Not an entirely sucky machine; perfect for loading Linux as a learning experience for my roommate. It's less sucky than Lepton, a 638MHz Celeron not completely documented in my notebook of computers. I'll keep it. But I set it on the floor of the Space Beneath The Stairs ( dum - dum -duuuuuuum!), put a G3 on top of it, and the other G3 in the rack next to the unoccupied G4 and the other G3 that's my furwall.

Except for the trash can that keeps moving around because no matter where I put it it is always in the way, I'm about 1/6 cleaning up my room. What more alligators lurk here?

Oh, while I was writing this, iTunes became an alligator. Before it would permit me to play my Black Gazza Mix to accompany my room-cleaning, it demanded that I download some updates. That just finished and has become an alligator that wants me to reboot my Cube. Time to post, I suppose.

I haven't posted here in a while and some people have been asking about me. I'm around, looking at Craigslist and all too often finding job listings like this one:

About Us:
Brekeke Software, Inc., is a growing leader in the SIP communications platform market. Headquartered in San Mateo, California since 2002, Brekeke offers SIP communications software that enables IP-based communications for businesses of all sizes.
(http://www.brekeke.com/)


We are looking for someone with the following experience / skill set:

Must have:
• Interest in VoIP technology, especially in SIP
• Knowledge of IP networks
• Knowledge of Windows
• Knowledge of routers/switches/firewalls
• Fast learner & self starter
• Good communication skills in English


Preferred:
• Experience with network software/device testing
• Knowledge of black box and white box testing techniques and methodologies, including test and data design and documentation
• Knowledge of Linux, Solaris, Mac OS X
• Experience or knowledge in VoIP technology


Duties that you will perform:
• Develop and execute test suites, including manual, automated, and data-driven regression testing, GUI testing, performance and stress testing, and reliability and recovery testing.
• Develop, maintain, and deploy testing tools and test data for use during internal QA testing and/or by other organizations.
• Respond/Assist technical support inquiries
• Using our software to troubleshoot customer issues
• Creating/Modifying technical documentation

Estimated Salary and Hours:
This is an internship position; the length of internship can vary
No compensation
Work hours are negotiable
There is a possibility of permanent employment at the end of the contract.

This position needs to be filled immediately.
No relocation. No visa sponsorship.


* Compensation: No compensation
* This is an internship job
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

To which I can only reply, "You want someone to do $100k/y work for fucking free so at the end of the "contract" you might hire them? Fuck you! Go the fuck to hell and take your whole fucking company with you!"

When the President is a Republican, Republicans get to blame the economic problems on the previous administration. When the President is a Democrat, Republicans get to blame the economic problems on the current administration.

Slag this poll: http://js.polls.yahoo.com/quiz/quiziframe.php?poll_id=46067

I returned to my room to fetch the tools I'd need for the first part of my investigation: Basically my MacBook, some DVDs with various Windows utilities, and an engineering notebook. The other stuff could wait until I needed it and could justify engaging that surly guy who looked like he came off the album cover for Aqualung.

I had already done my initial survey; whoever put this together wasn't too badly off. It doesn't take extraordinary brilliance to plug every server and workstation into a switch. I took careful notes as I went, just in case I missed some detail.

So. Start with the server. Windows Server 2003. DHCP, WINS (uggh), DNS, SMB file and print services, IIS web server, mail server (Mail server? I suppose...) all the services were running with basic configurations. Someone had named it "Soggoth" and replaced the desktop with an illustration out of an HO Lovecraft novel. Ugggh. I don't like the sound of that. My guess is some clever integrator had preconfigured the server, then packed it up and sent it here.

Well, let's see if the services are actually working remotely. Fire up one of the workstations. Windows XP. Thank goodness they hadn't got Vista! Network connections were up, cable was connected, ... but no IP address. Well, that was fast. I might have sleuthed myself out of a job.

So I connected my trusty Mac to the network. DHCP, yep. Got an address. Pinged the server. Ran nslookup against it ... Opened FireFox ... just a simple web page, "Welcome to Soggoth" and that picture again. Bleh. Connect to Server, see if file sharing is there ... yep. It's all working. I love my Mac when it's happy in a network.

One of those annoying popups that Windows annoys me with popped up annoyingly: Warning: A Network Connection has been reestablished. Click here. Okay, go away. I checked Network Connections ... and there was an IP address. Okay. Good. Open a command-line window, check ifcon—no, iPconfig and it's all there. Ping the server, good. Nslookup, good. Connect filesharing ... good. Do I dare launch that perennial piece of shit Internet Exploder?

And there's that popup, telling me the network was gone. What the hell? Back to my trusty Mac. Ah, my trusty elegant Mac with its sleek no-nonsense design and its almost magical Apple on the cover. Unplug the network cable, verify it lost the address; plug it back in, it's there; FireFox shows the web server; filesharing shows the file server. Everything happy as a clam. Don't you just love it when things just work? And the Windows machine alerts me that its connection is back.

Okay. That makes me happy. Ipconfig, yeah; ping, yeah; file sharing, yeah. I'll put FireFox on here: Seems silly these days to bring a copy of a browser installer, but that's what I did. Pop the CD in, install it, yay, start it up, yay, connect to the server, yay! How cool is that. It's all working. Some weird intermittent bug in the network, I suppose.

So I fired up the next workstation. Nada. No ethernet card shows up. What the hell? It's the identical configuration to the first one, same hardware and same software. This should work. Maybe it's he network. Okay, isolate this workstation from the network (that means unplug it), plug my Mac directly into it, set it up with DHCP, DNS, etc. Happiness. The machine's nic works. Pug my Mac into that cable ... happiness. So I talked to the machine and the cable. "You both work independently. And you're designed to work together. So you should work. Right? Right."

I plugged the workstation back into the network with its own cable ... Yay! It talks. Do I dare run IE? That's what "everybody" uses, but it's evil, evil evil. I launch IE, and just like that, the workstation crashes. What's more, the other one shows its little flag that the network cable has gone unplugged, and I can see that the server over there is unhappy about something. What the hell? It was just working!

No, this is too unreal. There's got to be something rational but stupid going on. I unplug all the cables from the switch except for the server, the first two workstations, and my Mac. On the Mac I launch a packet sniffer to see what's going on. Reboot the server, poke at it with my Mac. I see the packets ... so far so good. Boot a workstation ... I see a DHCP exchange and then nothing. Not a flood of crap, just nothing. Hrrrrm!

Wait, it's a managed switch. Barely, but it has an embedded web server. This is the cheap kind that has SNMP written on the box only because they use SNMP but hide it under a fancyschmantzy web interface they wrote in Java so they could also write "Java" on the box. Yeah, that's working. Piece of shit switch is not suddenly dead. Just nobody's talking. This makes no sense.

And that's how the morning went: four steps forward and four four back. Just as I had one thing inexplicably solved, something else just as mysterious broke. If I believed in such things, I'd say it was haunted.

I gave up and went to lunch.

This song resonated quite deeply with me when I first heard it sung my Maddy Prior more then ten years ago, and it still does. There are a few covers of it on YouTube, and this is one of the two good ones I found.